It’s a wonder that modern medicine has not yet found a cure for the debilitating illness, the “Common Cold” that plagues men. Never in my life have I seen so much distraught whining from a grown man than when he gets the sniffles. He can handle getting hit by a 6’6″, 325lb lineman on the football field or shoulder the stress of an entire company, but give him a sore throat and congestion and he’s crawling down the hallway wearing your bedroom slippers looking for the Neti Pot.
Man: “I FEEL AWFUL”
Woman: “What’s wrong?”
Man: “MY HEAD HURTS MY THROAT HURTS I THINK I HAVE A FEVER ARE MY LYMPH NODES SWOLLEN HOLD ME”
Woman: “Pretty sure you coughed like twice this morning and your head feels fine. I think you’ll be ok.”
Man: “DO YOU EVEN CARE THAT I COULD HAVE PERTUSSIS RIGHT NOW”
Woman: “Mkay, actually, you just have a little congestion.”
Man: “I LITERALLY CANNOT FEEL MY FACE AND MY EARS KEEP POPPING WHEN I SAY WORDS WITH CONSONANTS”
Woman: “Do I have your blessing to fall in love again when you die?”
Rather than having the above conversation, I suggest you take this 6 question quiz “How Fatal Is His Man-Cold?”. I made sure while creating it that it was entirely research-based, unbiased, and full of immense compassion for the plight of men with a scratchy throat. (Author’s Note: After taking this quiz, scroll to the very bottom of this post because 1) BREAKING NEWS about his possible fate, and 2) life’s too short to be wasted on free-website-end-of-quiz spam. Trust me, we’re friends. Quiz. Scroll. Read. Done.)
As he battles his man-cold and you battle his delusion and drama, keep in mind that he sincerely believes he might actually die. He just doesn’t realize you might be the one to take him out before the Man-Cold does.