Let’s back up.
The indecisive’s spirit was breaking far earlier than their journey to ordering. It started when they had to help generate ideas on where to eat for dinner:
Person 1: Where should we go eat tonight?
The Indecisive (Otherwise referred to as Person 2): Idk, maybe pizza? We could do burgers.. hibachi.. like, something fast.. or maybe sit down.. Italian? Should we do Italian?
Person 1: I had all those yesterday.
Person 2: Oh. *nervously sweating* Well ok wow, didn’t see that coming. What about sushi?
Person 1: We could do Mexican?
Person 2: So.. you don’t want sushi?
Person 1: Does sushi go in tacos
Person 2: I MEAN DID YOU WANT MEXICAN FROM THE BEGINNING JEFF
Person 1: It just sounds good right now
Person 2: I will never recover from this.
I’m here to give you permission, Person 2, to drive separately to dinner if you just need a minute to regroup. Go muster some adult maturity on your drive so you don’t rearrange Person 1’s facial features with your David Yurman ring stack. Play something angsty and loud in the car, like “THIS IS MY FIGHT SONG! TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG! PROVE IM ALRIGHT SONG!” so that by the time you get to dinner, you are full of positivity and empowerment.
You end up at the local Tex-Mex place, renewed from your car meditation, ready to enjoy a meal out. The air smells of queso. The burritos look better than ever. The salsa bar: newly refilled. What a time to be alive!!!!!
(Steps up to order)
Me: Hi, I’d like a burrito bowl.
Cashier: Ok, first- for here or to-go?
Me: Oh, that’s easy. For here.
Cashier: What kind of burrito bowl? Beef? Chicken? Steak? Refried Bean? Black Bean? *lists 14 other types of beans that shouldn’t make up its own bowl*
Me: Chicken bowl.
Cashier: Do you want chipotle chicken, blackened chicken, or grilled chicken?
Me: Ummmmm just like the regular chicken bowl, so uh *casually wipes forehead sweat* grilled chicken.
Cashier: Do you want everything on it?
Me: What does that even mean
Cashier: *Says toppings in one incoherent breath* ricecheesesalsajalapenoonionbeanslettucetomatosourcreamguac
Me: *Palms sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, vomit on her sweater already* I have no idea what consonants you just put together to create that word, but it would be helpful if you could show me a menu so I can decide. Also, I have a dairy allergy so all the things you just said with dairy cannot live in my food.
You are now in a low-grade fight with the cashier.
Me: Okayyyyy um, toppings, let’s see what we have here.. *scans menu while BonQuiQui breaks off her finger nails to fight you*
Me: I would like a chicken bowl- a GRILLED CHICKEN bowl- with rice, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and your salsa. No cheese. No sour cream. No jalapeños.
Cashier: Do you want beans or no beans?
Me: Black beans.
Cashier: WHY THEY GOTTA BE BLACK
Me: …………………… cause they’re black beans? idk..
Cashier: Ok, let’s see then. I got a Steak Chimichanga with everything on it, add queso, with a large drink and chips. That’ll be $8.98.
Me: *Doesn’t even care, pays and literally runs away*
This is what it’s like, everyone.
Please send flowers. And take-out.